10 Reasons You Suck at Leadership

Why your leadership skills suck diseased unconsenting donkey dicks:

One:
You don't listen to people. Even when they're anserwing questions you asked them. You have the attention span of a rabid, horny weasel on crystal meth.

Two:
You're paranoid about everything, seeing danger and conspiracy all over the place, seeing only the worst possiblities, so you trust no one, not even yourself.

Three:
You micro manage everything, because you're a control freak. You can't stand the idea that somebody else might screw up some tiny little thing and destroy your anal retentive picture of How Things Are, and How Things Should Be, missing out on the bigger scheme of things.

Four:
You dismiss the people around you, and embrace the idea that anything invented here must be second rate. So you ask outside people for input, who have no clue about the inner workings of your crew, their ideas or desires to move up in the organization/mob/tribe.

Five:
You're a concept thief. You hear half of what's told to you, file it away, then later on, when it all clicks together, you think it's your idea, even though people loyal to you have been begging you to listen to them. Some of it's subconsious, some of it's just lazy listening, some of it's a desire to make the good ideas seem like yours.

Six:
You're scared shitless of looking like you made a mistake. So you scapegoat, blame your problems on the more vocal members of your group who's actually intersted in changing things, then play kill the messenger, making it seem like they're troublemakers instead of assets. This helps the followers in your group to form a viewpoint that anybody who's talking about issues is The Issue.

Seven:
You trust the wrong people. You trust the ones who tell you what you want to hear, the ones who suck up, and the ones who are more interested in being seen as team players so they can cement a place in the organization, instead of figuring out new and better things. You see anybody who does tell you the truth as a threat.

Eight:
You're too self involved, spinning into your own glorious event horizon, lacking any empathy for the people you're about to screw over, because your own tender heart just can't take it. So you justify it by claiming that it's just too hard to work with them and either shit can them, or lie to them and sabotoge them.

Nine:
You're lazy and easily bored, and hate your job. Instead of figuring out your next move in life, you just bitch about things, preffering a soft misery where you can have dreams of greatness while surfing the web and barking at your underlings.
This is not a dress rehersal, it's your life, and you're too shortsighted to see it.

Ten:
You pretend to work with other people, instead of actually working with them. It's connected to number nine and five, but also about surfing along on the hard work of others, not actually doing all that much when it's time for you to suck it up and be part of something bigger.