Wednesday, January 30, 2008

153 word sentence : Why I Hate Bluegrass Music

It's full of literal minded purist jesus freak morons who value speed over emotion, who sing in horrible ballsack crimped nasal voices about seeing the light or keeping on the sunnyside, a bunch of hyperactive dolts who mostly play chunk-a-chunk rythyms until it's their turn to speed wank on a generic solo in a funk impaired major key, all of whom would not be there if they couldn't step up and hog the spotlight, playing the loudest acoustic instruments they can so they can drown out that goddamn banjo that fills up every corner of whatever room it's being played in like a radioactive moldy sauerkraut fart made of greasy atoms that fill your ears with piercing notes, all done on some overpriced chunk of Gibson instrument that they only play because it looks like something some drunken preacher played in 1934 while inventing a new form of music for assholes.
That being said, I love Old Timey music about death, blood, mining diasters played with emotion and a slow hand.
But Blurgrass? The music of egotists, bible slammers, snooty fuckwads and mamma's boys. In my mind they all like like the guy in this vintage photo.
'nuff said.

1 comment:

M Big Mistake said...

In the mid 1990s I tried to get into bluegrass because I figured I'd like it since I liked all the instruments involved (yes, even the banjo). I went to some festivals and jam circles and hated it. If you didn't have 100 songs memorized and couldn't play a blazing fast solo people looked down on you. Made me really uncomfortable. Then I discovered Olde Time music...which was the same kind of stuff without the egos. Much better.

Still, I like folk-pop better than anything, even though people make fun of me for it sometimes.

"Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis." Ralph Waldo Emerson