Thursday, April 09, 2009

In the wind


There's some big set of changes in the wind, I can feel it coming. Not huge changes like TEOTWAWKI, otherwise known as The End Of The World As We Know It, but this really feels like one of those years where the cosmos decides to rearrange my life.
I've had a few like that. 1975, when I went off to college, leaving that tiny little township where I grew up a mile off the road, when I gave up smoking dope and went to school to learn upholstery.
In 1983 the same thing happened, my dad died and I moved to Oshkosh with an old sweetheart and got a few photography jobs.
Things stayed pretty stable for another ten years, then in one year I found myself getting the boot from my whole damn life, losing my job, partner, house, band and a bunch of friends and even my sense of who I was, and I wound up a few thousand miles away in Seattle, where I found myself cleaning houses.
I met Kori there, we had a fine first five years, but in 1999 everything changed again and we wound up moving here to Madison after another big change year.
I'm not sure what is in the wind this time, although the oncoming economic and ecological storm does color it.
I know that Micheal leaving is part of it, and last night the other trio I'm in shifted around with Tim bowing out leaves me wondering where to go.
But I also feel like there's other stuff coming, although only my monkey brain seems to have a clue what or where things are going, and it's not being too verbal.
I do know I feel like going for a long trip into the woods or out east to visit folks I haven't seen in a long time. I feel adrift and unsure for the first time in a long time about what to do or chase after. I'm never sure what to do with that feeling. Doubt and indecision are not usually something I have to deal with. I've been lucky that way in my life.

2 comments:

Bill said...

I think we've been in a kind of weightless state for a time, floating along, not sure what forces might be tugging at us... and now it's like we are realizing, or remembering, that weightlessness is actually just another name for free fall.

Strange times coming, I agree. Don't know what's next, but I will be (pleasantly) surprised if it's not a crazy bumpy landing.

2009: Year Of The Singularity.

radicalteacher said...

Dear Ellie,

I miss talking to you. Summer is coming and I will have time! I'll try and find you at EVP, but you should email me anyway...

Megan

"Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis." Ralph Waldo Emerson