Saturday, January 28, 2006

Why I hate Dentists

It's not the pain, it's not even those crunching, tearing and grinding noises with the high piercing whine of drills, or even the smell of burnt bone wafting up to my nostrils, or that fucked up numb with no fuckin' coke high feeling you get for hours afterwards, or the wired smells and ugly lights and repbulican values reflected in the way out of line costs for somebody who is not even a real doctor.
It's the way they think my time is worth nothing when they over book and leave you sitting for too long as they work on seven friggin' patients at once, the way the force you these days to get a cleaning when you know god damn well that the last time you were there you had cavities you still have, the way they force you to watch not only your gums on TV monitors as they flay, floss and bleed you, splattering your DNA everywhere without a care, the way they make you watch some stupid fucking damn ad with HAPPY NEW IMPROVED WHITE TEETH LIKE A MODEL!AND PERFECT DENTAL CROWNS AND CAPS AND WHILE YOU'RE AT IT WHY DON'T YOU.......... with all those perfect young white people with Stepford Wife smiles and how they morph rotting and blackened teeth into shining white walls of clenched teeth, never having a clue that it looks like a bad acid trip when they do the cheap special effects, the way they say you need a crown here and here and here and here and your teeth aren't quite straight as they do a walletectomy on you when they should be saying this tooth pays for my new nine iron, this one pay little dimwit timmy's day school lunch fees for the year and this one will buy me that nice hotel room in Cabo San Lucas.
May the dental marketing people rot in hell, next to all the bastards who buy their stuff.
What really yanks my fuckin' crank is that this in not one of the teeth they said needed a crown.
Do you need all your molars at 48? Don't get me started on root canals.

1 comment:

Rev J D said...

so sorry to hear that. i normally hate the dentist. i went to hte dentist yesterday for the first time in california, and it was five miles away. the car broke down on sunday. i biked up the largest hill in oakland, for most of the five miles. it looked shorter on the map than the other possible route, which turned out to be a very nice gradual rise.

anyway, i've never had such a good experience with a dentist. she was the most personable anywhere ever. in the past i used to get paranoid that they were skimping on the laughing gas or whatever drugs they give you so they could have a party with it later. and that they had been videotaping my experience, and would laugh about the fact that they were able to stick so much gauze in my mouth.

anyway, this dentist was the first good one, almost good enough to get me to throw away my favorite dentist line "sadists are dentists and dental hygienists", for which i still do not have a second line that goes well with.

hugs sorry about the molars, etc.

"Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis." Ralph Waldo Emerson