Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Don't tell me you're a dyke, Dude.

I been thinking about all those guys I've met who tell me they're really a dyke inside. I think they're full of shit.
You hear it a lot. "I'm really a lesbian inside" they say, but rarely do they ever think long and hard about how dumb that statement is.
They enjoy the hell out of sex with women, or claim to, and proclaim that this somehow makes them a lesbian. Right. Sure. Tell me another good story.
I love Mexican food. Does that make me a Mexican?
I want to know a few things when they say that.
Do they spend long hours doing things without penises when having sex? Weekends in bed having sex during the early stages of the relationship that don't involve them panting, squirting and rolling over and snoring?
Can they even imagine that sex is something that does not have to involve Tab A going into Slot B, programmed as they are with their errector set approach?
The penis is a fine thing, although I think it's overated. They can be fun and feel good, but they're attached to things that smell wrong to me, and are covered in stubble and wierd urgency. And they usually make a big mess. I've known a few in my life.
But I doubt few of the guys I know who claim inner lesbian status ever thought about what sex, or a life without a dick would be like.

1 comment:

TidalGrrrl said...

Damn straight! (so to speak)

I have always thought that was the most stupid thing for a guy to say. I think they mean it to be that they like cunnilingus. Well goddamn they ought to! It doesn't mean they are a lesbian!!

If a guy won't or doesn't even *try* to have oral sex with his girlfriend then he's not worth dating. Period. The ones that do don't deserve a fucking medal~! They expect women to go downtown on them and the women aren't considered gay men...jesus christ. Bah.

Thanks for this post Ellie - next time I hear a guy say he's a dyke I'm going to ask him if eating mexican food makes him a Mexican!

"Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis." Ralph Waldo Emerson