Thursday, January 22, 2009

This winter sucks. And I'm starting to think about what I want on a purely selfish personal level, because I am one truck repair from getting in my truck and leaving it all behind until my credit card maxes out. Maybe take a long a pile of guitars to use as firewood along the way.

I want somebody to make me supper for a change. Somebody besides me or Kori to cook.

I want somebody to say, "damn, that was a fine time playing those songs tonight" or "hey, let's finish up that cd and play a few gigs"

I want the folks who say they're going to help me with a project help me with a project after they've used up my time and energy on theirs. I want them to clean up after themselves when they use my shop.

I want people to tell me what they're thinking. Not to evade it, or not even give me an answer when I'm doing something with them that I feel passionate about. If I ask you if you want to do a group project, fucking tell me. Don't just say "I show up, don't I? Lame, pal. Showing up is how you get through High School.

I want my pals who ask my fucking opinion on something to actually listen to it and stop using me as a sounding board for their own insecurity, or to stop asking me if they're not interested. I am not interested in telling you what to text people, or if your ass looks funny in those pants. You're not going to pay attention to what I say anyway. I really don't care as long as you're happy, and nothing I say will make a difference.

I want a few of my pals to stop their internal monologs long enough to hear my point of view. To not retreat into emotional breakdown because my worldview doesn't support theirs. To start considering thinking with more than their emotions.

I want people I used to be in a band with to stop whining to me about the band I'm not in anymore, and talking about what new projects they're going to do with other people. It's already been made very clear that I'm not worthy to play with you anymore, so why fucking dump on me about your next plan?

I want my tribe to start giving me back a few things, so it feels like a tribe again instead of me being the person who makes lunch and a handy mother confessor and fix it person.
I'm not holding my breath.

1 comment:

M Big Mistake said...'s about you and Kori come over to my house for dinner sometime? Shoot me an email and let me know when is good.

"Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis." Ralph Waldo Emerson